dear God

^1-7 Bend an ear, God; answer me. I'm one miserable wretch!
Keep me safe—haven't I lived a good life?
Help your servant—I'm depending on you!
You're my God; have mercy on me.
I count on you from morning to night.
Give your servant a happy life;
I put myself in your hands!
You're well-known as good and forgiving,
bighearted to all who ask for help.
Pay attention, God, to my prayer;
bend down and listen to my cry for help.
Every time I'm in trouble I call on you,
confident that you'll answer.

^8-10 There's no one quite like you among the gods, O Lord,
and nothing to compare with your works.
All the nations you made are on their way,
ready to give honor to you, O Lord,
Ready to put your beauty on display,
parading your greatness,
And the great things you do—
God, you're the one, there's no one but you!

^11-17 Train me, God, to walk straight;
then I'll follow your true path.
Put me together, one heart and mind;
then, undivided, I'll worship in joyful fear.
From the bottom of my heart I thank you, dear Lord;
I've never kept secret what you're up to.
You've always been great toward me—what love!
You snatched me from the brink of disaster!
God, these bullies have reared their heads!
A gang of thugs is after me—
and they don't care a thing about you.
But you, O God, are both tender and kind,
not easily angered, immense in love,
and you never, never quit.
So look me in the eye and show kindness,
give your servant the strength to go on,
save your dear, dear child!
Make a show of how much you love me
so the bullies who hate me will stand there slack-jawed,
As you, God, gently and powerfully
put me back on my feet.

-- Psalm 86

and for some things, we just have to leave it to God Himself.
He shall do it in His own magical way :')

cause He loves us SO MUCH.

i dunno.

doubting no more :D

three times You have reminded me, three times!!
i have no reason to doubt You, not for a single second!


"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deut 31:8

"I'm here. I'm here. I'm here." says the Father.

"Surely the LORD is in this place, and I was not aware of it." Gen 28:16


thank you so much God!!!
(: (: (:

from the mezzanine

im not really sure how to start this. i havnt written anything for a while and now im just overwhelmed with thankfulness for God Himself who has given me the opportunity to be His servant. no, i dont belong on the stage nor performing my talent in front of the people. i usually stay in this upper mezzanine doing recording, taking pictures from upstairs. no one really knows our existence except those who are on the stage?? yes?

im doing my 'duty' alone most all the time. but occasionally i have companies -- these boys from lighting or mm. and as we do our technical ministry, we only focus on what we do right there. we dont have any direct impact to the people and more or less we are doing documentary. i believe tho, God will bless us through this ministry. as His servant, i still want to do my best for Him no matter what.

but really, seriously, when God's presence takes place. we could not handle ourselves *no, its not because we're literally higher than others we feel like we can touch the Heaven first*. we wanted to jump, to shout, to sing as loud as we can while as well, being considerate the existence of the sound men below us :p

and i just realised this today, to be there, in that box. i could see how the whole church were up in praising the Lord. it's so beautiful, it's breath-taking scenery seeing those young souls so pumped up declaring how mighty Jesus Christ is.

and you boys, it's truly a privilege for me serving God with you all! the basic: the heart that loves the Lord. that's all we need. and no matter how small and seem-ing-ly insignificant our ministries are, i know God sees our heart. and all of those technicalities we perform, were all for Him!

thank you Jesus!

special thanks to the boys:
rio, riki, davin, hendra.
God bless you all!

ketika Tuhan merenda rencanaNya untuk aku

'sebab rancanganKu bukanlah rancanganmu, dan jalanmu bukanlah jalanKu, demikianlah firman TUHAN. seperti tingginya langit dari bumi, demikianlah tingginya jalanKu dari jalanmu dan rancanganKu dari rancanganmu'.
Yes 55:8-9

sounds familiar huh?
aku sudah denger firman ini berpuluh-puluh kali dalam hidup dan aku ngga sadar betapa sulitnya menghidupi firman ini sampe aku bener-bener kepepet.
hari-hari terakir ini, saat aku bilang, 'Tuhan, aku mau lebih serius lagi sama Engkau. Aku mau cari Tuhan bener-bener', ee mala dapetnya susah mulu. yang paling ekstrim justru, saat Tuhan tunjukin semua dosa-dosaku, semua kelemahan-kelemahanku, semuanya Tuhan taroh di atas meja, terang-terangan, semua ada di depan mataku.

aku malu. aku merasa terintimidasi. aku bahkan sempat berpikir aku benci diri sendiri.
bahkan saat dibilang, jumat aku harus sharing di fa. aku ngga tau harus bilang apa, aku sendiri masi lemah, tapi aku harus share firman Tuhan ke anak-anak yang laen.

tapi Tuhan itu sungguh baik, saat aku 'teriak-teriak' sama Dia *lewat nangis, lewat nggondok, lewat tutup mulut selama berhari-hari dalam beberapa minggu terakir*, Dia justru kasi tau aku sesuatu yang indah banget.

'kenapa kamu teriak-teriak cari Aku? Roh KudusKu uda ada dalem kamu, kamu ngga sendiri len!! kamu sekarang tau jelas, semua dosa-dosa yang tersembunyimu, semua kelemahan dagingmu, Aku memang mau tunjukin kamu, Aku mau ubah kamu.'

kruk*
hatiku remuk.

yaampun Tuhan, sungguh aku malu. malu banget. tapi gimana lagi, Engkau yang tau semuanya, aku ngga bisa sembunyiin apa-apa. dan sungguh Engkau bukain mataku lebar-lebar, lewat orang-orang di sekitar aku. SUNGGUH aku ini bukan siapa-siapa!

Tuhan, aku mau serahin semuanya sama Engkau. aku beneran ngga mampu hadepin ini semua sendiri. bahkan aku aja harus beneran diubah! ini waktuMu Tuhan, kalau ini yang harus Engkau lakuin dulu dalem hidupku, supaya aku Engkau bersihkan, supaya aku Engkau kuduskan, supaya aku boleh layak dateng di hadapanMu lagi. lakuin Tuhan..

aku cuman berdoa, Engkau yang jagai hatiku. sungguh hati ini jahat, Roh KudusMu sendiri yang terus tegor aku Tuhan. biar jalanku lurus, engga serong. biar aku ngelakuin apa yang Engkau kehendaki, biar aku bisa buat Engkau senang.

biar aku ngga bergantung sama kekuatanku sendiri, sama kekuatan orang lain, sama kepinteranku sendiri. TIDAK. semuanya ngga cukup Tuhan.

'tetapi kepada manusia Ia berfirman; sesungguhnya takut akan Tuhan, itulah hikmat, dan menjauhi kejahatan itulah akal budi'
Ayub 28:28

when we have to pray more than before

time is short.

we only have two options;

keep living on our futile life
or
surrender ourselves wholly to the Lord.

be wise, friend.