i ran to my booth as the service has already started when i reached church. i prayed shortly, hoping God would forgive me and bless me through my ministry.
then, it just happened right there. through the whole worship session, and the supposedly sermon session by pastor Ben, which turned into a worship session all along. i said to God; Daddy here i am. i just want to worship You today. and i was just swept away by His love. i knew He was there. i prayed to Him, i could not stop. suddenly i felt like He freed my heart; it was kind of like a very very vast field. i saw it. it is like that huge desert in Australia when you can't really see any boundaries.
something like that.
i feel free.
--
i have to admit that i was not in the super happy stage of my life. i am right on the cross road. i felt confused and afraid. i had been trying to entertained myself with so many things; movies recently. i read Bible and christian books but all seems so theoretical. what is wrong with me?
Daddy has given me His promise this year, that something exciting is about to happen. what is it? i started the first day of this year badly, i was sick. i slept through almost the whole time in 2013 day one. and just in the first week, i felt so bored. where is the excitement?
--
but then today, i realised.
i realised i have been taking everything on my own hand. i have been trying to carry all my worries and burdens all by myself. i tried to create my own excitement. i lost my passion. i stumbled, many times.
that is not what God wants to happen in my life! that is not what He promised me!
i tried to love like He loved, and failed. i tried to forgive like He forgave, and failed. i tried to be faithful like He always be, and failed. i tried my best to be His good daughter, and failed.
i need some intervention, a Holy one.
Lord, forgive me to doubt Your greatness that i have been using my potato-size brain to comprehend You, Your plan. that i don't live by faith but by sight, that i have been ignoring Holy Spirit to speak Your truth in my life.
“what no eye has seen,
what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived”
the things God has prepared for those who love Him.
what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived”
the things God has prepared for those who love Him.
these are the things God has revealed to us by His Spirit.
1 Cor 2:9that is Your truth Lord!!
i waited upon Him. i dropped every matters i still held on my heart. even the one that i would not dare to say to other people for it is so selfish and disgusting. i want to let it all go.
but He says, He loves me anyway!
He loves me so much even, that again, a great reminder to rejoice over my salvation. that He chose to save me even from when i was still in my mother's womb. it was just crazy.
i don't know how i can stop to say thank you. thank you so much, Daddy! thank you SO MUCH!!
i felt a deep gratitude in my heart, i feel like i am about to burst out of joy and peace and love! not that because i can, but He filled me up so graciously!
--
and as ci Yuli has shared also in FA last Friday,
28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Isa 40:28-31
--
and yes, He truly blessed me through my ministry. i don't know how many times i have been saying this, but it is such a great privilege to witness the whole congregation praising God and worshiping Him, for them to be freed, for them to be healed. it is such a great honour.
and as so it happened today too. i was blessed so much (:
--
HOPE IN THE LORD.
ALWAYS & FOREVER, DADDY.
x
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