life has been busy and messy *literally* these days. i have been working, cleaning, packing and throwing things away most of the time. i have the tendency to keep some stuffs for too long sometimes.
i came back to this page today not because i am feeling perfectly fine, neither that i am feeling crap so that i can do my rants here. no. i think i am over those moments, doing one of the extremes and telling the whole wide world about it.
i am here because i want to write a testimonial for my future-self, or maybe to you, my faithful reader of this non-existence blog (:
i found it overwhelming sometimes when God turn our life's direction to where we least expected. the last thing we wished it would never happened, our greatest fear or our impossible dream.
"what no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived; the things God has prepared for those who love him— these are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit".
denial is my usual first response, i thought i have the control over my life. even somebody i know close, ever mentioned to me that i am a very controlled person. i controlled my emotion, my reaction. without me realising it, i wanted to control my life too! but God has a different plan for me.
“who has known the mind of the Lord so as to instruct Him?”
i do learnt that i can't tell God what to do. i can't always fit my plan like i wanted too.
i need the Holy Spirit to take over control in my life!
obedience is not always nice :((
there were many things and still are, that i have to learn to submit all my ways to Him. every time i felt like giving up though, He always shows up and i know that is enough. His love soothes my heart, His peace calms me down, and His joy helps me to keep going.
if you asked me, am i scared? of course i am!!
i know if it was not because of His grace and mercy, i would not be able to face and endure all things. this world is way too big and complex for me!! and yes, honestly, this is what i felt most of the time even after i knew that He gives me life for a purpose, a holy calling, a living sacrifice.
"therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. and we boast in the hope of the glory of God. not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us".
it got my asking then, how can i boast in the hope of the glory of God if my life did not get changed? how can i hope in something i don't even start pursuing? we can't only be a spectator to be able to see the glory of God, even so boasting in it?
and how do we hope on something if we already gained it? hoping is not an easy thing to do. hoping means surrendering yourself into something, fully believing that something good is going to happen; the glory of God will be shown.
how can we get to this point then? we should have a character of Christ. Jesus who brings hope to this world -- or if i can say He who has the biggest faith in humanity, all out of love.
"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us."
it is a lot to chew, i know.
but this is what i want to say; God is still working in your life!
He knows exactly where you at, how you feel, what you are thinking, what you are planning to do, your thoughts on things, your struggles, your joy, your desires, your heart, to the very most intricate details!
it is never too late to start on this, we'll see that silver-lining.
His glory will be revealed and we'll be amazed.
x
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