pouring thoughts out

no i wouldnt complain about finding a job here, i know it isnt easy. people keep telling me try this and that; i said ill do it once at a time. but this whole thing somehow pressurizing me in such a weird way. again, it isnt about the few-seconds-of-fearful-thoughts i had before i call up some companies, neither because i short in cash *well this is half-true actually*, or maybe is it because people keep telling me to go back for good before i am even trying?

probably combination of all.

i know the biggest treasure in this universe isnt about an awesome career, or self-own shops, or those pretty clothes neither all of the other luxury the world offers. but it also doesnt mean we live carelessly, right? unplanned and impulsive at the same time.

i know im such a huge dreamer. my dreams probably are leaking out of me at this moment. and im okay with it actually. but again, it doesnt mean that i am just gonna sit idle here and hoping that the rest of my life would be just fine. and i do clearly know that what i still i want to pursue is seeing and knowing God more. His thoughts are way beyond my comprehension and His plan is the biggest. this will obviously include pushing myself to read books, spending more time in pondering His Words and taking a time out from whatever things that i can see with these eyes.

and probably before i declare my self as a true Christian, the thing that i need to pursue more now is Jesus Christ Himself. i dont want to be too late for this, if not, im screwed for an eternity :/