for the good and the bad, i take it all.
happy mother's day mommiee!
*i love you* :*)

9:27

i am back to my melancholy corner.
a night with no real companion, well i got lala lili binx jeff claire gary here with me *yes they re stuffed toys* :D and john is singing for me too here. but others are away doing their own business. fair enough.

so i ask myself,

what do i do tomorrow? im still unsure. prolly i would enjoy my day in e computer labs sorting out documents for tr, could also be sitting on the grass and doing nothing. who knows.

finding out jobs.
doing sm more illustration works.
preparing docs for laser-cutting.

much to do.

and christmas is coming soon too.



so why do i still wander around here? i dont know. i just feel like dropping sm words here, to keep a record for myself that ive been to this very second of my life. another movie perhaps, soon.

or a cup of lavender tea?

its been 5 yrs, teman (:

friendship needs an effort too :D
thank God i have you.

oh found this! foto aib 3 taon lalu!

setelah 4 tahun lamanya

ellen lulus! hore!

MAKASI Tuhan,
makasi ayah dan ibu,
makasi kakak dan adik,
makasi mika,
makasi teman2 semuaaa :D

and yes i have to change

time indeed flies.
have you ever question yourself; why i (still) seem to be the person i was years ago? why am i (still) doing the same mistakes i did years ago? why the same cycle of my life is (still) going on? or even, why am i becoming worse person than before?

have you?
i (still) do.

answering those questions isnt easy. there are times when even i cant handle myself well. or times when i think i am insane being O.O

lucky me, God again has spoken their words to me that His grace is more than just forgiving, it does empower me too. i have ever read all the verses mentioned during the sermon last sunday, but they never be revealed to me in such a way. i know that God gives me abundance in love and blessings, i know that His grace is enough to forgive my sin no matter how big it is, i also know that i need to fulfill a purpose God has prepared for me. but, God knows that i cant do these all alone too! :s

God's grace empowers me.
there is so much more in being a Christian. even after i accept Jesus as my Savior, been baptised, done som, do ministry at church; i still sin, and day by day it is getting much more T.T

God wants me to grow.
He would not let me staying as an 'old' me. He wants me to win over my bad habits, my sinful thoughts, my evil heart. i need to fight myself. no, not with my own power. but, i have to do my part. empower doesnt mean that it happens automatically, it means, it helps you, supports you, gives you more power to overcome things. i will still need to drag myself from my lovely bed + doona to pray, i will need to keep my eyes open to read the bible and ponder the words, i will still need to keep my mouth shut from saying anything bad about others *complain less!*, i will still need to use my time more wisely doing good things rather than sleeping and slacking. and so on and so on.

to talk about the finish line? i cant answer, i dont know. i cant fix my imperfections by myself..

but He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness'. therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. -- 2 cor 12:9

keep looking at the Cross (':

woodland (:

baking again! :3

cetakan bunny dr stipen


cetakan benu dr niniee

current obsession: taste.com.au
*omnomnomnomnom*


ps. jess, i can bake sm cookies like these tar pas housewarming lu. in christmas-y theme juga bole hohohoho :D

uncertainty

who loves uncertainty? i dont.
i hate when the tram sign didnt tell me how many more minutes i had to wait, i get annoyed the manufacturer couldnt make sure when they actually gonna do my job, even when i dont know what to do tomorrow.

well, sounds too trivial?

okay, more serious matter. i dont know whether i could find a job here at least for this summer. i dont know whether i would ever be able to support myself financially, whether i could ever make them happy. would i ever be a good mum? *okay, too far*

i am bloody thinker. i think, a lot. been told not to do so for many times; myself, family, friends even God. yet i am still failing.
who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? -- matt 6:27

if i worry today, would it make me happier tomorrow?
if i worry today, would it prevent something bad to happen tomorrow?
if i worry today, would it change anything?

NO.


thus, i choose to be happy instead.
embrace the good and the bad in their own times.
and surrender everything to Him and keep doing my best :')

ecclesiastes 3!

seminggu setelahnya

i guess i cant stand nothing-to-do-ness.

o.o

done.

its november already. and BIG NEWS is: i am DONE with uni. yes! finally! :D

4-years is a long time, trust me. eventho i never had any exam during that period of time, the projects were enough to 'almost-kill' me in many ways. at the end of every semester i always felt that i was shrinking -- in terms of my weight, my brain and my will to overcome whatever left to be done. im so glad that ive made it thru :')

and now what??

yes. such a question. i promise myself ill take a week off and rest myself for a bit, but i cant help to think abt it. im not used of doing nothing. hence, i do cleaning. yay! i love having a quiet time ironing, doing laundry, washing dishes. i know who s the happiest tho, BABI. she loves me more during holiday, cause ill do the house work often.

okay, again to look back what happened through this yr. i feel truly grateful.
even until the last days before final, when i still could not see the end of the tunnel. i saw hope. i saw promise. i was having trouble towards the end of this semester, finding a metal fabricator who can do the job for me. it was three weeks before the final i got my structure idea resolved *i even was not sure with the design of it* i consulted with more lecturers, called my dad, discussed it with sm of my nerdy-engineer fellows and asked God: 'what should i do???' i was so desperate :( i took trams, trains, busses *got lost* and asked for lifts *didnt get lost* for so many times until one point i thought when is this going to end?? well, it ended now hehe. so, i got my metal frame on the day of submission, submitted the book, slides, and photos 5 mins before the due time, and did the presentation the next morning.

here i am. done.
i feel relieved.

mentioning it again. i cant truly pass all of this things without Him, yes God, You. You are the one who stays with me all the time, You are the one who sent me all of those beautiful people to help around, You are the one who let me through this all.
thank you once again.
THANK YOU (: (:

27/10/10

sweet and lovely day with beautiful friends and weather.
im very happy for you (:

yesterday

i was on a taxi on my way to st albans. for one second, no, for few minutes, i was just about to cry and ask the taxi driver to send me back home. the weather was supa hot *inside e cab* and the driver drove crazily and im tired. im tired of going ard victoria, im tired getting told to ask other ppl,or walking there alone and got lost myself and i dont want to bother other ppl too much. i personally dont like taking the bus, and im not an expert in reading maps as well. yes, those are what i have been doing in e last 2 weeks. im worn out.

i know i should be calm during these times. ive tried, and it is not that easy. i reckon it is good enough for me that i dont have any breakdown so far. i even cant cry i dont know why. is it a part of me getting more mature? or i simply have lost all my tears?

okay, dont tell me that uni is not everything. i know, it is not. but i just cant screw this up at this very second. i am just doing the best i can do, not merely because i want a good result. but this is the ultimate thing that would proof what ive learnt in these past 4 years. and i dont know if you re not in the same stream with me, but i do really find a passion in whatever im doing. and im grateful for this opportunity to be able to study what i really like.

few seconds later after that crazy thoughts inside e cab, i realised; that this is also a part of my journey. and im so close already to e end. im going to pay 50 bucks for the cab, means i should get things done. and probably all these hurdles ive been going thru, God let them happen. they may need to be there for me, to change me, to shape me. and the process, is truly painful :s. again about the yoke,
it may seem that i am holding it by myself, cause i cant see God through my literal eyes. but by faith, i believe that He shares the burden with me. so i decided, keep going len, just keep going.

i finally arrived at danny's place in albans, paid 56 bucks for the cab! and then danny helped me bringing my stuff and showed me the way in. i imagined, it was just a little house with a small garage and workshop next to it. but when i followed him, it was more than that. how do i describe this.. it was like those little houses you see on story books; it has a garden at the back, with blooming flowers and pink bicycles laying around, and also a trampoline! yes. how cool is that. and to be able to go into the workshop area, there is this small walking path, between the gardens among the bushes. and tada! finally, i see the diy leather workshop!



how obscured and pretty this place is.

danny turned on the fan, opened the garage door, swich on tv and went to take a bottle of chilled apple juice. and we started to chat, what to do first, what to do next. and because, this is australia, he also talked alot about this former aspirations, his boat projects, oz govt, his childhood, first job and so on and so on..

we worked on my leather disks for 4 hours. it was almost 5, and i told myself, ellen u should go home. it is 5 oclock and ure in st albans. but the work was still on its way and when i started to contemplate with myself, i saw this little girl came down to the workshop and smiled. her name is miranda and she is 6 years old. she got black hair and beautiful brown eyes. ok, she is the one who made me stayed bit longer.

danny went to look for brush for quite a while. and i was left with miranda. we played abit building this 'upside-down' city from leather scraps and sticky tape. oh gosh, she is so sweet and smart *gw gemeeeessss*. i showed miranda how my chair is going to look like at the end and she said that the disks now looks like a ball rather than what it is going to be. then she said she wanted to help.

so, glueing was the last task of the day. danny, miranda and me were trying to do our job quick. and at 6, we wrapped things up. abo was keep calling me asking where i am, she knows st albans better than me, it was 6 and i havent even leave that place.

thank God, for the existance of kind people in this earth. danny and miranda sent me to the station so that i wouldnt need to catch a bus neither a taxi.

my whole body was in sore. it had been a tiring day, and i just sat next to a window and embracing the outside scenery, thanking God for the day that passed.


tottenham. pretty.

i arrived home at 7 and i am glad when i saw those familiar faces were waiting for me. then we started fa and praised the Lord for His goodness til today.

(:

more to come,
more to fight for.

the thing about true friends

you re not afraid to look bad in front of them.
or ugly? haha.

subuh subuh

in the craziest time of the year,
i know My Father's care for me (:

things that were not meant to happen,
has its own purpose as well.

and when i see what He has plan for me,
i know it s all for my own good.


and about little sharks?
they re still there,
but i shall not worry.
i have someone to cling onto.
cause when i see Him,
i see HOPE (':

sadar len

mari menulis dalam bahasa indonesia *jijay kalimat pembukanya*

okeh ampir jem 1, 22 hari menjelang final presentation yg juga akan menutup perjalanan gw berkelana selama 4 tahun di b 87-88, b 8, b 45 dan b b lainnya yg tidak tersebutkan. excited? yes. ngeri? yes. tugas gw belum kelar dan belum mencapai akhir. kursi gw belum berdiri dan folio gw belum kelar. panik? tentu saja sodara2, gw bukan orang yang setenang itu. gw PANIK *constantly*.

lalu?

lalu gak ada guna paniknya. otak gw semakin ketarik2 badan gw melemah, sekali nempel ranjang uda berasa kesedot di dalem ga bisa keluar lagi. mau nangis aer mata juga ga bisa keluar. ugh.

lalu?

tidur menjadi hal yg sangat mudah dilakukan dan begitu bangun, perasaan menyesal luar biasa muncul. kenapa gw tidak bertahan sedikit lebih lama buat tugas dan memutuskan untuk tidur??

dodol.

sampai di suatu pagi.. gw bangun dan melangkah dengan gontai. mengumpulkan sisa2 semangat yang ada dan mulai membuat model. tada! inspirasi muncul tidak terduga. yang lalu kemudian bisa berguna untuk final design. lalala. Tuhan makasih banget. gw tau gw harus percaya sama Tuhan, kadang gw terlalu overlook semua yang ada di depan gw. kertas2 dan model2 bodoh itu. sapi mati yang udah kejait jadi buletan sandwich. kawat2 yang bikin tangan baret semua. gw lupa liat Engkau. Engkau jauh lebih besar dari semuanya itu. My God is sovereign God, God of Love and God who fulls of wisdom. dan bener, percaya buat Tuhan di masa sulit, ngga semudah ngomongnya di masa gampang.

dan sekali lagi kamu sadar ellen, hidup ngga cuma buat uni sendiri,
and you know that (: (:

okeh sekarang gw undur diri.
bikin tugas lagi :D

and i feel rather blissful

accompanied by a cup of hot green tea (:

tuesday

when it is so hard to believe anyone else, i know i can always put my trust in You.


1 John 3:20-21
thank you, maslan! hehehe
thank you, God (:

4 weeks and 2 days

my current addiction :D

do not look at me like that

menyesal aku bikin mata gituan.

never success

this stupid photobooth i always go to.

a new thing!

check this out.
im looking forward to contribute in making this place pretty.
oh how exciting! :D



err, major project s been abandoned :s

Your eye is on the sparrow
And Your hand, it comforts me
From the ends of the Earth to the depth of my heart
Let Your mercy and strength be seen

You call me to Your purpose
As angels understand
For Your glory, may You draw all men
As Your love and grace demand

And I will run to You
To Your words of truth
Not by might, not by power
But by the spirit of God
Yes I will run the race
'Till I see Your face
Oh let me live in the glory of Your grace

lesson two

"When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you. Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterwards you will take me into glory".
Psalm 73:21-24

:'D

babibenbede

kresi. kenyang.

lesson one

^"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you".
Ephesian 4:29-32

(:

and thats how we learn

this is what happened september last yr..
and september two years ago...

time flies.


have i changed? yes, a lot.
well, im still loving my uni and knowing the fact that how God's love has been so amazing in my life. but this time, i would like to do things differently. i will do, i want change. so many things are happening right know that require me to juggle many things at one time. ive been afraid to accept this challenge, but i have to, cause i want to grow.

i dont want to be the person who only says, i want to grow yet i do nothing. this is the time for me to take action, to make effort, to be mature. i shall complain less, and give thanks more. i shall look no more on people and focus on God.

and keep trusting Him fully, that He s gonna do amazing work through my imperfect life (':


Lord, i pray for Your guidance,
that You may bring me in knowing You more and more.
that You give me passion to love and to care others,
think less of myself and more to others.
that i may not take any credit for any of Your good works,
and there will me more of You and less of me.

ketonjok

'trusting God is crucial in our difficult times'.

baru saja ko dan berucap sedemikian, gw langsung merasa ditonjok.
plus, poin-poin berikut ini yang bikin gw jadi melek setelah merasa ngantuk abis2an pas pw:

3 problem yang bikin kita ga percaya sama Tuhan:
1) immaturity
2) feeling
3) theology

tapi juga ada
3 fondasi yang bisa bikin kita stand firmly:
1) God is love
2) reasoning
3) faith


besok saya lanjut, harus bikin peer :s

fun times

aku pasti bakal kangen kalian.

walau ngga selalu pretty

kayaknya pingin hidup seperti di filem2 jadul.

*pengaruh musik swing di belakang*

lesson of e day

- God loves me so much in a such amazing way that He reveals Himself as the Lord, Father and close friend (:
- it doesnt matter how many experiences or hard times we ve been through, we still have to humble ourselves and have the attitude to be a first learner.
- count God's blessings everyday, He s been supa good to you and seriously it will brighten up your day.
- to be able to see the blue sky and enjoy the warmth of the sun, have already given me a reason to smile.
- if you have some enquiries about marriage registration, i could give advice of where to go. lol.
- our prayers will never be in vain. He listens.
- friends are not perfect but always be grateful in having them.
- things we re spoken, comes out from the heart. so, guard your heart.
- all of us need quiet time to reflect and ponder.

thats all for now.
sleep soon.

e

papa! happy father's day

mwah mwah dari kita semua (:

john, again!

suara gitarnya geli2 menyenangkan wohohohoh :3

and i just want to give thanks for every single thing happened in my life (:

in thousand times, i have reminded my self to be grateful for everything. it is easy to do when you re in a good condition, yet when things are not going according to your will, you will start to complain and whine. and yes, it is true, that keeping your faith when things arent so good is not easy. you ve pushed to make a decision and you struggled a lot thinking if you made the right one. but hey, when you re close to God, He would guide you thru. He will speak to You as long as You cling on Him. and be patient enough, cause one day, you ll see the fruit of whatever thing you have planted. never did i think to be evil? i used to do it all the time *woo watch out* but hey, that was the devil talking to me and i should not listen to him. my God wants me to do good, even tho it is not a pleasant thing for me, it confront my ego, it may make me looks weak, it needs a whole lot of courage to do, it is HARD. but, but God, You have been so faithful to me. You have changed me day by day to who i am today. and i believe that i still need to be fixed by You continuously cause my feet are still trembled occasionally. and when i see the fruit of what You have told me to do, i can only praise Your name for that. Your work is miraculous and beyond my thoughts. so in every moment i say, Lord i dont understand; touch my heart o Father, give me the faith to believe, to hold on, thus i will say: "i wont worry cause everything is going to be amazing!"


and again Jesus,
THANK YOU.


Gal 6:9 "let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up".

uni days

not so sure if i would miss this sort of day later.

cause my feet are tiny and my eyes cant see far

i need someone to guide me through all things.
and Jesus, you ve found me (*:

now, use me according to Your will.

hidup jangan egois

kita cuman numpang idup di sini bentar aja, sambil banyak barengannya.

hehehe

i know You change each one of us day by day :D
You re keeping Your promises.

things i forget alot, when i heard 'Jesus love is super great for you' 'His grace is more than enough' 'He works in His own miraculous way' i would say AMEN to all of that, but do i really have that conviction?

prayer tower is just gonna be a routine if i never mean things i said there.

and i thank God, really really thank Him that His Holy Spirit reminded me once again; that He has been super good in my life, that me, who is very stubborn, abit cocky, and slack can be changed to i am now. i dont say that im perfect now, i still have a lot of flaws. even a simple thing as to love people sincerely, i still cant do it. i am frustrated.

but it is true dearests, His grace is truly abundant for us. one thing we forget alot is that His grace is available to everyone, not only for me, not only for you, but everyone! every single soul and human being who believe. and again, i cried out for more. i did feel very sad to remember all my friends who have not know who Jesus really is. yet somehow, i have a glimpse of hope, that You Lord can make the impossible to be possible. Who knows that someday when You call them, they will hear Your voice clearly, and so that they will truly see. Jesus is alive, Jesus loves them so much.

thus now, i wont stop praying. for you people. God has given me a chance to know you all. i am truly grateful for that. and Holy Spirit, please guide me, teach me to speak the words of love, teach me how to tell them the good news. cause they deserve to know, they have to know.

someday it ll happen, someday You ll bring them back to you.
*this post is super messy, will do the editing later*

dear melbourne

cerah dikit dong.

thanku dyy!

'to everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under the heaven. i know whatever God does, it shall be forever. nothing can be added to it and nothing can be taken from it. God does it, that men should fear before Him' - Eccl 3:1, 14

makanya jangan kebanyakan parno lu, last semester d uni, plislah len, nyantai~
He's doing His part in your life now (:

annoying habit

seriously, i got so sick of my own habit lately.
they drove me nuts. i cant believe i keep doing these to myself :x



oh btw, marc pascal is.... indescribable.
i love weird ppl tho (;

take time to

catch your dreams.
be joyful.
cherish every moments.
walk through the rain.

:3

you would still listen to this

hal bodoh kali kedua.
Tuhan aku janji tidak akan ceroboh lagi :'(


amin.

07192010

probably the mystery of life wont ever be solved til the day we meet God.
we should now give more thanks and complain less.

random thoughts

it is almost the end of june: days are cold. skies are dark most of the time. and the rain suddenly be one of melbourne friends. time does fly huh?

just got my brother here few days ago and i suddenly remembered the early days i spent here 5 years back. what sort of places i went, certain songs that remind me to certain friends, and heaps of stupidity i did back then. but things are not forever. things have changed, for the better and even for the best. this is the very recent example; last week was not easy. i was prepared to enjoy my long-awaited-holiday when the news came from my brother. my grandma passed away. i was okay in the first few days, until i could not take it anymore. i miss her. i was sad that i would not be able to see her for the last time. she did not make it that far. but somehow, i am also thankful. that she did not have to go thru many more pain, being helpless and sore. probably what bothered me the most is: i was worried about my parents.

during those time, do you know what was i thinking? i wanted to go shopping. clothes? yes, definitely! i really wanted to slap myself for this. i knew there is so much more important things rather than this superficial stuffs, but my flesh wanted it badly. the world offered me so much things, sale is everywhere. i can see they are all trying to grab myself into them, SO badly. thus i went for window shopping!

trust me, i went to almost every shops in the city. happy? nah. apparently, i am not. i apparently feel abit sick to go to those stores. thus i decided to spend my money on food instead, on pressies, on dia membership, on things more useful. it is not that easy to make a 'mature' decision eh? well i tried.

but you know, despite all of the things i want in this life, say it bluntly, those whole 'worldly stuffs' *i came into a realisation* means nothing if you have no someones. your family, your friends are the ones that make your life colourful. and cause you want yours to have meaning too, you need God; the author of our lives.

i dont know how can i be more thankful that 3 years ago, i had made the best decision of my life: to fully give my life following and serving the Lord Jesus Christ. i am not quite sure how it happened but, i cant deny His existence and love in my life. And since then, He began to reveal more and more of Himself and i believe it is the most precious thing all of us could ever have. the ultimate thing that will keep ourselves going on in this life.

wait, again i didnt say it is easy.
i am still learning too (:


pst, did i buy something for myself at the end?
yea, my 'cina blood' still couldnt resist that cheap dress with e decent quality.
ah dasar loe len.

its not so bad to be 23 huh?

you all really made my day, as you all always do (:
thankuuuu!

talk abt love?

seriously,
who can love you THAT MUCH if its not Him???


to be refreshed and reminded once again, that Jesus' beyond-measured-love is the only thing that will keep me going on :")

we should be thankful

for the lovely people we meet in life.

thats why every second is precious.
things never happen twice.

say what you need to say

john! :D

H-4

im struggling really hard to find that quiet moment to run into the secret place. but i know when i look for Him, He shall make Himself found (':

Psalm 91
¹ He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

² I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."

³ Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.

⁴ He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

⁵ You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,

⁶ nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.

⁷ A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.

⁸ You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.

⁹ If you make the Most High your dwelling—
even the LORD, who is my refuge-

¹⁰ then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.

¹¹ For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;

¹² they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

¹³ You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

¹⁴ "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

¹⁵ He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.

¹⁶ With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation."

too many things are happening at the same time.
and not all of em are good :x
panic? surprisingly not.


hmm.


heran sendiri.


GOD is REAL.
you know you cant deny it.
:D

karena emang kita nggak bisaaa

makanya kita harus berdoaaa.

let me tell you a story..

change is hard

weeks after weeks, ive been nurturing my ego much. it might seem i didnt complain much like before but i know something is wrong with myself. i became very cynical about.. almost everything. and i did realise that yet i just put that thoughts aside cause i said, i got many other things to do. what did i end up with? nothing. i felt empty.

i want change.

okay, i was not so happy with things around me. no, its not so bad but i know i became slightly over sensitive about things i said: 'i dont like it' 'why?' 'i just dont like it'. and again, i just ignored every single thing that i dont like.

i want change.

people are disappointing as always but the person i got disappointed the most is myself. my self control was degrading while it seemed not. ughh.

i want change.

over capacity is my brain. it is occupied with too many plans, desires to have fun and premajor project. oh oh my. and i didnt have that much time again for.. God.

i want change.

expectations oh expectations! its never been enough for me. i always want something more from others and ive found myself to be the most horrible person ever; who always asks and never gives back. a sinful human nature i cant take away from myself.

i want change.

there s been a week when i found myself, awake, and began the day with grumbling and i had to 'ngesot' alot from my bed. its winter and its cold, but i didnt even have the enthusiasm to start the day.

i want change.


im tired. i give up complaining.
i told my Father: i dont know what to do :(

"Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall" -- Psalm 55:22


now, there s no more time for complaining or to be grumpy about things. life isnt as pretty as it seems but its always worth living with smiles and grateful heart. and yes, change is hard. there is an extra thing you have to do if you really want it. its not by your own power by the way, a single step to do, go have yourself a quiet time with Him, talk to Him about everything. and just few days ago He told me this simple reminder: 'hey ellen, stop talking, stop complaining, then you ll be able to listen what I say'. and yes, that promise is true: He gives a peaceful heart that i always long for! (':

i cannot change myself by myself, i need Jesus to change me.


you want change?
start with a prayer.

ternyata menyenangkan

dont worry, everything is going to be amazing

i hold on to the promise.

drawing the future

i never thought things are going to be this serious before.
it is pretty obvious now that the thing i said to my self few years ago was quite true; we re kinda all by ourselves in this world huh? as a social living being, i do need interactions with others. but if we re talking about decision making in life, we have to do it by ourselves right?

i was probably 9. i went to this place called 'pasar atum', my mum was going to buy me a tshirt. she asked, "which one do you want?" i couldnt answer. i did not know which one is better, i dont have a preference. i rely on her so much just in choosing the print of a tshirt. i was afraid to make a decision.


14 years later.
ive been asked alot to answer the same question: "what do i want?"
i have to make a decision.

and to be honest. still not easy :x

in the past 5 years, ive been taught alot to be very much opinionated. do whatever you like, be realistic, know your limit, and work hard! but still, there s much boundary and limitation i have to face and deal with. its both good and bad. at some extend, it holds my feet on the ground, make me a less kooky person but my eyes are still set on the stars, the dreams.

what is gonna happen 5 years from now?
been planning on that :p
no, its not only because of prof prac, id do it eventually for my self record. and pretty much scary and exciting at the same time. so much about career plan, but somehow it is kinda a life plan too, woooah. work hard and crazy? yea i guess i will. i ll do have some fun too tho.

i promise myself that my life isnt all about this.
the substance of my life is not only about my career. if its so, i must be a very sad person. life is short and i dont think God will accept my design portfolio to enter Heaven haha. not good enough ellen, no.

i dont know what ll happen tomorrow, literally tomorrow; okay, its week 10 and im freaking out in heart, but, i know He holds my hand. He s been with me before, now, and later on. such a very reliable and trustworthy God who is quite funny at times and magnificent for He is the King.


so now,
i am imagining myself, trying to put on colours in my life together with God, the drawer. He is the one who sets the grand plan for my life, and yours too, i believe (:
one day, up up there in Heaven above, we ll see, it ll be very very beautiful!


casting all your care upon Him; for He careth for you.

we give thanks!

this is funny,
when i watched this talk from this random dude via ted, i got some insight:

the reason why you believe in something, determines many great things.

and there s only one thing i wanna keep believe in: Jesus Christ.

why?
He has died on the cross for me so that i am saved now :''')
it is more than enough.




dont complain.
be thankful.
keep praying.
you may have a peaceful heart <3

bebek jelek

sepanjang hari bersama bebek. plus chai latte, plus hot chocolate yg bikin gw merasa cupu.
at least ada sedikit improvement dari 3 taon yg lalu.
bebek abu2 terlihat sedikit lebih pintar daripada bebek kuning berwajah retarded.

*eneg*
tidur ah!

if i say, "surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
-- psalm 139:11-12

i thought these wings are for flying?

despite the awesome night with this mayer dude,



it really broke my heart to hear a 'no' answer straight away.
i havent even begin anything.

i dont understand :''(

friends

sometimes we just talk,
we re 'nyambung'

then we become friends (:

syellalala

we re all kucel and tired but we re up for photo session nyahahah~

wednesday

this is why i need girlfriends. they make my dayy! (:

when the world doesnt only revolve around you

thats why we should stop whining, appreciate and move on.
i know that He is control (:


keep praying love!

the dudes

the men of the week:
mike & joel.


and the boys who have accompanied my sunday: stephen & stanley.
thank u guys! (:

oyah, LOVE thissssss:

mixtape

ada yg bisa nemuin cowo kayak gini buat gue gaaaa??? :D

kiddoo

im just a kid.


aaaa saya mau maen2 saya ngga mau bikin peer!!!

1 peter 5:10

but the God of all grace, who hath called us unto His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.

(:

bed time

ugh. was planning to sleep but i cudnt resist playing ard with these lights :x
i do have too much imaginary thoughts in mind,
yet,

im quite a realistic person.

finding neverland

wonder where mine is gonna be.


must be somewhere pretty :p

darjeeling tea

few hours of nothing-to-do-ness yay (:

give thanks

one of the reasons why i keep surviving here (:

bukan ellen

i always said that, yes we do have choices.
and for me, i choose not to do this and that.

then i feel good.
is that all, ellen?
so you re not-that-bad person?


i thank God for the reminder today. every little good things ive done and about to do -- isnt actually from me. it is the Holy Spirit that speaks to my heart, tells me to do so. i was so over-whelmed when He opened up this whole new thing to me. i thought, i wasnt a bad person at all, i am good because i am still going to the church, doing ministry there and also in fa. but, doesnt it mean that i measure my goodness based on my work??? this is so wrong.

God loved me first. there is nothing i can do to love Him back as much as He does to me. thats why it is called grace. we dont deserve it yet we get it for free because God loves us so much. im looking at myself and i began to realise that i will never be perfect. my goodness isnt good enough :x

thus, i really really grateful to know that it is not me who's doing good in my life, yet it is God Himself working on greater things to be happened in me! i have no idea to explain any of these clearer. but it is such a joy to know that He lives in me who is no one and loves me so much that He gave me the best thing i could ever receive in life- the salvation. My Lord, My Savior Jesus Christ (:

dont lose ur muchness

i believe each one of us ever faced a crossroads. there s time when you have to push yourself to be slightly mature than before and make a quite a big decision for yourself. and trust me, it s not gonna be easy.

im in the crossroads too. i almost finish my uni and soon, i have to face a new stage of life. i have to work as a professional? or i could just start a new business, probably? scared? YES of course. i know i have to keep my self firm and make sure that both of my feet are still touching the ground. and in these times i know im all by myself.

sometimes when we look our surroundings, we see how green others grass is. and we thought, what a wonderful life they have (compare to mine). but, but, its theirs, not ours. and it doesnt matter how hard they ve been working on their life, or maybe they re just super blessed; its theirs. full stop.

one thing i always do to remind myself. this is my life, it ll be different to others. mine wont be the same as yours, and not even like mum's or dad's. at this point, i am grateful and thankful enough to say that i have God who s taking care of my life. As it s mentioned in Psalm 91:
² I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."

And read this sweet promises our God has given to us:

¹⁴ "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

¹⁵ He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.

¹⁶ With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation."

thus, dont be discouraged; simply put everything under His cross and trust Him fully. He is with me, and so He is with you too. And i think the key to this life is 'to be much muchier in God' (:

have a blessed day love
xx

12:12

ellen ure sick u supposed to sleep now.

thanks God for tonight tho (:
for the strength, for the love, for the joy.

suami!!!!

no, pop, i havent figure out who s gonna be my future husband.
scary thought. i know ill need one tho :p

the one who keeps me grounded

what would i be today if i never know YOU?

how scary it is to think that i would have no one to hold and cling on.
im not a super-woman.

nyahaa!

empty labs, sketchbooks and ipod, how nice.

some people think im a freak but my friends dont :D

im just human afterall

i spent the rest of my lovely sunday staying at home, thinking abt the concepts for my premajor work. i didnt go anywhere further, i struggled, i am stressing. if you told me i am pushing it too hard, yes, i admitted.

it is still a part of me being human.
i complain, A LOT.

talked to couple of friends and we re 'crying' over this together via msn. stupid.


well,
God pls slap me *gently, can? :p*
ok,
i shall move on.
i shall sleep.

and be ready for tomorrow.

oh, happy birthday again church! (:

dear God,
i believe that You will work miraculously tonight.
every tongue will confess and everyone will kneel down
and say "You are GOD".

and no one could ever run and hide,
Your glory alone will reign over our lives.


(':

one of those moments

"To understand something is not to be able to define it or describe it. Instead, taking something that we think we already know and making it unknown thrills us afresh with its reality and deepens our understanding of it".

.....

"Even if you lose touch a little with your understanding of design by reading this book, it doesnt mean you know less about design than you did before. It is proof that you have progressed another step deeper into the world of design".
-- Kenya Hara

are you with me?

can i pause the time for some seconds, please?
i wanna sleep and go to wonderland.

iloveuiloveu!

anak2 bodoh yang masih meraba-raba masa depan.
i hope we ll be just fine (:

project ellen #1

3.43pm
and im stuck.
again.


im not so poetic about things but because im a thinker, sometimes i tend to over-think things.




bingung kan?
gw juga.

He is the one who holds tomorrow,
He is the one who holds our hands.

youre my golden-half (:

impossible is fairly normal

uni starts again. YAY!

okay i am probably the only person who is happy to be back to school *again. whatever. i just hate doing nothing everyday, no self project and such. boring.

final year wont be easy as expected. but im up for challenges *wait til i complain abt this in couple of weeks* crazy time in labs and library. and yes, phone calls!
call me freak but who cares, i feel more alive now (:


i thank God for the last sunday.
i thank Him for His words that, again, slap me on my face and wake me up from my misery.
hellooo, who was in it? i am given the best gift ever, Jesus Christ. i do have alot of problem with my brain lately. it didnt want to get a rest even for a night sleep. it kept working on worthless job on creating unnecessary thoughts and delusion. i am such a thinker. this is bad.

in this semester, ill be doing my self-directed study for my pre-major. i was quite lucky to get into class that i wanted, to be supervised by two great designers. and i really like this idea of being independent in learning, like it does in life. i am gonna do a self-directed life study, supervised by God. He could tell me anytime if im going out of track, tell me what to do and not to do, yet I need to create the project brief myself and He ll do proof read first if its worth to do.


and to begin,
lets think abt something impossible.

like making a floating stool.
like drawing the wind.
like eating a house.

like bringing family and friends to salvation?
why do you think it is impossible? Jer 32:27 says "Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh: is there any thing too hard for me?"


there is not.
God is able.

keep praying for our dearest ppl!

a scary place to be

our mind.


too much of illusion and vague thinking.