drawing the future

i never thought things are going to be this serious before.
it is pretty obvious now that the thing i said to my self few years ago was quite true; we re kinda all by ourselves in this world huh? as a social living being, i do need interactions with others. but if we re talking about decision making in life, we have to do it by ourselves right?

i was probably 9. i went to this place called 'pasar atum', my mum was going to buy me a tshirt. she asked, "which one do you want?" i couldnt answer. i did not know which one is better, i dont have a preference. i rely on her so much just in choosing the print of a tshirt. i was afraid to make a decision.


14 years later.
ive been asked alot to answer the same question: "what do i want?"
i have to make a decision.

and to be honest. still not easy :x

in the past 5 years, ive been taught alot to be very much opinionated. do whatever you like, be realistic, know your limit, and work hard! but still, there s much boundary and limitation i have to face and deal with. its both good and bad. at some extend, it holds my feet on the ground, make me a less kooky person but my eyes are still set on the stars, the dreams.

what is gonna happen 5 years from now?
been planning on that :p
no, its not only because of prof prac, id do it eventually for my self record. and pretty much scary and exciting at the same time. so much about career plan, but somehow it is kinda a life plan too, woooah. work hard and crazy? yea i guess i will. i ll do have some fun too tho.

i promise myself that my life isnt all about this.
the substance of my life is not only about my career. if its so, i must be a very sad person. life is short and i dont think God will accept my design portfolio to enter Heaven haha. not good enough ellen, no.

i dont know what ll happen tomorrow, literally tomorrow; okay, its week 10 and im freaking out in heart, but, i know He holds my hand. He s been with me before, now, and later on. such a very reliable and trustworthy God who is quite funny at times and magnificent for He is the King.


so now,
i am imagining myself, trying to put on colours in my life together with God, the drawer. He is the one who sets the grand plan for my life, and yours too, i believe (:
one day, up up there in Heaven above, we ll see, it ll be very very beautiful!


casting all your care upon Him; for He careth for you.