what actually happens is both. i do feel very sad and glad at the very same time.
--
the more i try to be like Jesus, the more burden i feel in my heart. the more i try to live holy, the more temptation and trials come. don't ask me why. i knew, my heart broke every now and then quite easily.
i feel despair (yeap, such a word) in many of my prayer time, yet i feel joy too. knowing that He has given me the faith to go on til now. knowing that He loves me so much. knowing that He'll never leave me no matter what.
i got woken up about an hour ago due to my early sleeping time last night and found this. yeap, i was attracted to the title -- even though im pretty sure ive read this many times before. these were the conversation of Jesus with the disciples once before He get caught and crucified. it just came alive now. it was from the Message Bible translation.
Joy Like a River Overflowing
17-18That
stirred up a hornet's nest of questions among the disciples: "What's he
talking about: 'In a day or so you're not going to see me, but then in
another day or so you will see me'? And, 'Because I'm on my way to the
Father'? What is this 'day or so'? We don't know what he's talking
about."
19-20Jesus
knew they were dying to ask him what he meant, so he said, "Are you
trying to figure out among yourselves what I meant when I said, 'In a
day or so you're not going to see me, but then in another day or so you
will see me'? Then fix this firmly in your minds: You're going to be in
deep mourning while the godless world throws a party. You'll be sad,
very sad, but your sadness will develop into gladness.
21-23"When
a woman gives birth, she has a hard time, there's no getting around it.
But when the baby is born, there is joy in the birth. This new life in
the world wipes out memory of the pain. The sadness you have right now
is similar to that pain, but the coming joy is also similar. When I see
you again, you'll be full of joy, and it will be a joy no one can rob
from you. You'll no longer be so full of questions.
23-24"This
is what I want you to do: Ask the Father for whatever is in keeping
with the things I've revealed to you. Ask in my name, according to my
will, and he'll most certainly give it to you. Your joy will be a river
overflowing its banks!
25-28"I've
used figures of speech in telling you these things. Soon I'll drop the
figures and tell you about the Father in plain language. Then you can
make your requests directly to him in relation to this life I've
revealed to you. I won't continue making requests of the Father on your
behalf. I won't need to. Because you've gone out on a limb, committed
yourselves to love and trust in me, believing I came directly from the
Father, the Father loves you directly. First, I left the Father and
arrived in the world; now I leave the world and travel to the Father."
29-30His
disciples said, "Finally! You're giving it to us straight, in plain
talk—no more figures of speech. Now we know that you know everything—it
all comes together in you. You won't have to put up with our questions
anymore. We're convinced you came from God."
31-33Jesus
answered them, "Do you finally believe? In fact, you're about to make a
run for it—saving your own skins and abandoning me. But I'm not
abandoned. The Father is with me. I've told you all this so that
trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In
this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But
take heart! I've conquered the world."
may not understand this fully, but the warmth of this truth stays in my heart (:
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