white shoes story

I was cleaning my white canvas shoes last weekend (for the third time already), when I got suddenly reminded that; my life is like a white shoes.

I am not the kind of person who has white white shoes. You know, they’ve been in trend in the last couple of years when people wear them to the malls. My white shoes never remain white for long. I either walk on their back soles, kicked something with them or simply having dirt and dust all around it. And I am not the one who clean them regularly.

So is my life. I know I am not the best one in getting my life organised, as much as I like to be in control of things like most people do, I always like the idea to improvise. Hence, my life is like my shoes.

I realised then, oh how I need God to cleanse my life constantly! It is true, when they say, once you got older, life is harder. It’s harder to stick with your idealism, your belief and your values. It’s harder to get your perspective aligned for quite a long time. It’s harder if you try to do it by yourself. And yea, self determination can only go that far.

I need God in my life. I need Him to get my views corrected, my mind untangled, my heart purified. And the more I know the truth, the more I realise how wicked sin is! How sneaky the devil is to push our eyes away from Him.

My white shoes came up quite clean, except on a few spots there are marks that can be washed away, due to: I left them dirty for too long. So yea, the white shoes imagery stuck in my head for couple of days already. Me, trying to figure out what it means.

Until today.

I have been coming to these prayer nights for few days already. Not knowing what to expect or pray, I just wanted to come. I feel I needed to come. So I tell mum, yea I am going to be out for prayers this whole week.

But I felt lazy today.

I laid myself on my bed after shower, it was already quarter to 7, 15 mins away before the prayer starts. I haven’t eat. I still need to drive to church which is 10 mins away from where I live. I dragged myself to come anyway.

I am glad I did come.

God spoke to me through the sharing given today (bless you Lev, you are gifted). Just a confirmation once again from the Lord, about the white shoes. I looked down and saw myself wearing my white shoes. Then suddenly the impression I have in mind came alive. And you know, being Christian, you might think this kind of epiphany sound so cliche. Yes it is cliche. But I believe it is how the Holy Spirit speaks to me, a whole new understanding and realisation of how messy my life is and how great my God is! I need this refreshment over and over again. So I pray that You may cleanse my heart once again, o Lord. And what’s great about God is, that no matter how long you have all those marks on those shoes, God is able to cleanse everything as they are new! Better than any detergen, baking sodas and hydrogen peroxide (think not about getting this stuff on to your hand). No. He wipes away our sin completely with His love. When we go down and pray and seek Him wholeheartedly, He will make Himself found. That is the heart of God for us. That is what He promises us.

So dear Daddy, thank you for the white clean shoes. Thank you for purifying my heart once again, making it new once again - so that I may live a life full of passion for You. Every day is a day with You Lord, every day you ignite Your passion in me.

Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
-- Psalm 51:10

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.
-- Jeremiah 36:26-27

a car ride

You remind me of my dreams.

You remind me that goodness still exists in every situation.

You remind me that Your love is the greatest among all.

You refill my heart with joy and and my life with love.

So, though I don't have it all, I can say that You are GOOD.

And this unexplainable gratitude in my heart stays here.

You make all things brand new.

You make me look things beyond what it seems.

Faith to see your purpose behind every living being.

A fresh air to my heart.

A lovely tune to my ear.

And I will remember today.

You uplift me spontaneously.

You love me genuinely.

we have enough

ok, there are couple of thoughts i have in my mind that i need to jot down as soon as possible before i forget them.

24 hour a day is enough for you. God gives us 24 hours per day, to work, to eat, to rest, to chill, to do what He wants us to do. what we don't realise is, sometimes we do too much of something God didn't ask us to do. Though it may not be completely wrong or unkind, but i came into a realisation, that me trying to smash together every single thing people ask me to do. that is no good.
i know this is not my first time dealing with such issue;

"i'm exhausted"
"i didn't have enough time"
"leave me alone"
"ok, fine then. i'd just secretly die"
"yeah, one hour won't hurt"
"poor her, i got to keep her a company"

no. ellen. you should stop.
you can't fit in everyone's request into your daily timetable every single time (plus you're not so good with time management). and it is ok to say no. it is ok to say that you need a rest too. you know that it will cost you your time especially with your closest people around. you don't want to do that.

true that sometimes, there is circumstance that makes it inevitable to say no and you got to make some adjustment or sacrifice. but hey, set your priorities first.

you can't help people if you're tired. you won't be able to minister if you are knackered. you will not do anything right if you are sleep deprived. you'd become angry, sensitive and burdened. you should know when you should stop and know where you draw your strength from.

i decided to come in early that morning, i wasn't quite sure what i was looking for. i just felt that something isn't too right with my heart. but i came anyway.

sang and sang. and how gracious and loving You are - You spoke to me and i listened.

"all fear removed
i breathe You in
i lean into Your love
oh Your love"

then i suddenly see, what i need despite all the mess and the busyness that haunt me the past few weeks, is just You love. knowing for certain, that You love me.

that's all i need.
that's where i draw my strength from.

classic; known; reminded once again.

thank You, Daddy.

oh hey, hello

leave to God what is beyond your hands.

let go on things that you can't get hold of anymore.

use your talents fully as He gave you those with purpose.

be kind, always thinks such lovely things.

take risk, yolo, really ellen, just YOLO for once.

always brings everything into prayers; prayer is the breath of your spiritual life.

read more, put your phone down - it has to last til the iphone 7s series comes out.

work hard, work smart, have fun!

and be that person that people took note, "she has been with Jesus"

--

unending faithfulness

day by day
i walk my tiny feet around this globe
not too far, not too strong

i stumble, i fell
and sometimes i just don't know what to do
i could have cried but i chose to laugh instead
for my ways are silly

but Daddy, never once you look away from me
you keep watching over me
when i sleep, when i am awake
my thoughts, you know them all

get lost, my heart!
let go and put it down in God's gracious love
get it washed away
get it clean again

when i am weak, You are strong
when i am poor, You are rich
let only praises for You came out from my mouth
let me sing Your goodness always
because You are God, because You deserve it

You are all i want.
i love You, Daddy.

It's been very overwhelming for me. and to be honest I am not sure if anyone felt the same way about this. But I am truly thankful that the little voice of Yours, still speaks inside of me. You are here. We are in this together.


And for that I thank You.

--


My heart a storm, clouds raging deep within
The Prince of peace came bursting through the wind
The violent sky held its breath
And in Your light I found rest

Tearing through the night
Riding on the storm
Staring down the fight
My eyes found Yours

Shining like the sun
Striding through my fear
The Prince of peace
Met me there
You heard my prayer

Hope like the sun, light piercing through the dark
The Prince of peace came and broke into my heart
The violent cross, the empty grave
And in Your light I found grace

Tearing through the night
Riding on the storm
Staring down the fight
My eyes found Yours

Shining like the sun
Striding through my fear
The Prince of peace
Met me there
You're always there
And You hear my prayer

Your love surrounds me
When my thoughts wage war
When night screams terror
There Your voice will roar
Come death or shadow
God I know Your light will meet me there

When fear comes knocking
There You'll be my guard
When day breeds trouble
There You'll hold my heart
Come storm or battle
God I know Your peace will meet me there
(Again and again)

Oh, be still my heart
I know that You are God
Oh fear no evil
For I know You are here

And my soul will know Your love surrounds me
When my thoughts wage war
When night screams terror
There Your voice will roar
Come death or shadow
God I know Your light will meet me there
And my soul will know

When fear comes knocking
There You'll be my guard
When day breeds trouble
There You'll hold my heart
Come storm or battle
God I know Your peace will meet me there

Oh, be still my heart
And my soul will ever know that You are God
And You heard my prayer