faith

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.
Hebrew 11:1

Sounds familiar? Yeah I heard it since sunday school time and it has never rang this loud until yesterday.

What differs us from others by being Christian?

We have the same problems, we struggle over similar matters, we want the same things as most people do and we are as messed up as everyone. I have currently experience the same thing. I freaked out every time I look at my calendar. Indeed, time waits for no one. We are always too busy doing things, and think that a day needs more hours as well as our weeks, our months, our years. But hey, who are we thinking we can control the time?

I recently checked my whatsapp as well, last late night convos with a friend doesn't sound too hopeful either. I skimmed through things I said, and laughed at it. Silly.

Problems are real, bad days are not a myth, and some cray cray situations making me a-not-so-decent human being. Ugh.

But somehow, some way, in this desperate situation where I wished things would change and miracles would just happen; I still hear a little voice inside my heart saying, "have faith". Have that little faith, as tiny as that mustard seed, when you have it, you can move mountains. You just have to believe.

When we rely much on our confidence in ourselves, we would always get disappointed. No one could ever give us assurance in this ever-moving life. And on the first verse of Hebrew 11, this was described clearly.

FAITH is the CONFIDENCE in what we HOPE for and ASSURANCE about what we DO NOT SEE.

and it goes on..

verse 6:

"And WITHOUT FAITH it is IMPOSSIBLE to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must BELIEVE that He EXISTS and that He REWARDS those who EARNESTLY SEEK Him"

 Shouldn't you ever know this truth len?

Yes, I do. But really, who are we without Holy Spirit. I would never realised this much sooner without Him bugging myself to open the bible. I would not be able to write this if He's not the one who gave me the revelation. I would not then believe this truth if He did not put this conviction in my heart!

Really, oh Father, swipe me once again in Your love, for you are gracious and loving. And you will never leave me when I drifted away. You are faithful even when I am not faithful. You believe in me even when I don't believe in You.

Thank You Jesus, Thank You Holy Spirit, to reveal this gem to me once again. To put faith into my heart, so I may fully trust in You. May I live a life that honours You and pleases You. May everything I do reflects Your love to us all.

Only to You, be the glory.

x

begin again

ok, let's just admit it. it's one of those days - i feel crap and i have an off perspective on everything. rather than joining the parade of positive new year captions on instagram, i found my whole being is just under the weather, mentally, physically, spiritually.

i have so many unanswered questions in my head, though as mum said, "you don't have to know everything". and i get that, but sometimes i just want things right here right now, my way my want. i came back to being age 5.

i hope you don't lecture me on this, i know. i know it's wrong and i already know what i am supposed to do. i need to take a deep breath, kneel down and surrender it all to the one and only; my Jesus, my God my Saviour.

dear Daddy, so that, for now, let me just rest in your arms; knowing that it all would be alright, and i truly know that i am deeply loved. and in time, i will have that strength to begin again. to stand up again, to give all i am to your perfect plans.

in your perfect time, through your perfect hand.

ps. future me, i just want you to be able to remember this day. and see, see how God always comes through for He is able and He only gives the best for you.

x

this is the story of my favourite song

Look at the stars,

Look how they shine for you,

And everything you do,

Yeah, they were all yellow.

I came along,

I wrote a song for you,

And all the things you do,

And it was called "Yellow".

So then I took my turn,

Oh what a thing to have done,

And it was all yellow.

Your skin,

Oh yeah your skin and bones,

Turn into

Something beautiful,

Do you know,

You know I love you so,

You know I love you so.

I swam across,

I jumped across for you,

Oh what a thing to do.

'Cause you were all yellow,

I drew a line,

I drew a line for you,

Oh what a thing to do,

And it was all yellow.

Your skin,

Oh yeah your skin and bones,

Turn into

Something beautiful,

Do you know,

For you I'd bleed myself dry,

For you I'd bleed myself dry.

It's true,

Look how they shine for you,

Look how they shine for you,

Look how they shine for,

Look how they shine for you,

Look how they shine for you,

Look how they shine.

Look at the stars,

Look how they shine for you,

And all the things that you do.

--

for some reason i think that is the most romantic song ever. as i note that my favourite line is 'for you i'd bleed myself dry. i think, that is lovely and horrific at the same time. and as much as i would like someone to sing this to me one day, i think there would be none. there would be no one, really, in this entire universe that would literally bleed himself dry for me, except Jesus.

it sounds funny that how secular song, can actually remind me so much about God. how He put those stars in the sky for us, how He would go all the way to get to us. so much love, so much love.

x

turn your eyes

Would you stop doing whatever you are doing for a moment?

I read something along with this topic last week in my daily devotional plan. Lets then try to do this, I said to myself.

It was my usual kind of Sunday. I went to church, grabbed my coffee and sat on the third row of the risers in Sanctuary. I sat, put down my coffee and was planning to be in the service as usual. It was a very busy week for me, I had too many things going on. I felt like my fingers actually got stiffed because handling my mouse for long hours and my eyes were tired. I fell asleep just before 10 almost every day to compensate with my new routine of waking up early, and excercising! I did not want to think about it on Sunday, I'd say. I placed my heart there, just before the Lord. Lets take time and get my full attention for Him, I thought.

As we began to praise God and sang songs, I then felt a sudden blur where all things of this world were kind of disappeared for a moment. It was very peaceful, indescribeable kind of moment that honestly has not happen to me too often lately. Then the lyrics of this old song came to mind, "..and the things of the earth will go strangely dimmed, in the light of His glory and grace.."

And not so long after that, Pastor John came up to the stage. He was talking then about the same thing. He asked us who would we be without our wealth / our title / our deeds / our skills? Who are we in the eyes of God? When we are not to think about whatever happens around us... Who do we see God as? He then asked us to embrace His presence and just focus on Him.

Truly it is all always between us and the Lord. I felt tiny. I felt small yet I am grateful, that I took that time to think about Him.. to just being with Him and be in His presence. It was a beautiful moment. I completely un-see the other things been happening in my life that week. I saw Jesus and Jesus only for that second! Oh such a majestic Lord! King of kings, full of splendour crowned in glory. A truly magnificent God, He is!


And one thing I learn, when we are in tune with God's heart, Holy Spirit will reveal Jesus to us.. And it was kind of cool when the Holy Spirit told you the same thing with your pastor, means He is sooo real! Undeniably.




I believe that wherever you are, whatever church you might be in, those will not ever limit God's work in your life. He is always with you and He will keep talking to you, through His servants, through His people, through His Word, through songs, through quiet times, through problems.. only if you listen, only if you take time to put your eyes on Him.


Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face (:

live now

This is what the Lord says to Israel: 
“Seek me and live; 
do not seek Bethel, 
do not go to Gilgal, 
do not journey to Beersheba” 
-- Amos‬ ‭5‬:‭4-5‬

I had my Bethel. I remember that day when I first experience the tangible presence of God. I went to a prayer meeting at St Luke. My heart was crushed, I was down on my knees when He met me. Then, I clearly know for sure that He is real. I knew that my life is changed and will never be the same again.

I had my Gilgal. After years of being an on and offs Christian, after being tossed and confused for long. I finally set my heart to be a Christ follower, I chose to be baptised, buried off my old life and live a new.

I had my Bersheeba. When God gave me a place to call home for more than 7 years. A place where I have been shaped, fed and disciplined spiritually. I felt so blessed to have those time in my life and I would not do it differently even if I could.

What now then?
And now He says, "Seek Me and live!"

There are seasons in a lifetime and I came to realise that I had those time in Bethel, Gilgal and Bersheeba. And they are now ended.

It is not that I disregard those time, hey, they are the most crucial moments in my journey! But lingering there would take me no where, instead God wants us to move forward.

Seek Me. He says.

One thing that I knew, we are prone to seek for what we called 'spiritual experiences' 'jitters in our emotions' 'solemn crying sessions' 'vivid encounter with God' 'dreams visions prophecies' ... rather than... God Himself...

When we are now in different season in life, when things seem flat, when we go to less KKRs we tend to feel that our spiritual life is declining (or maybe it is just me?). Or maybe, we have this urge to meet thjs special pastor who could probably tell us what to do, and break down what God's plan is in our life. And don't get me wrong, all of those experiences are necessary, I would recommend you to be a part of ones.

Seek Me and live.

I have not wander this life for that long. But one thing for sure, to live is not an easy thing to do. It is getting tougher each day. You can be literally alive, being a functioning living creature and still not living. You can be enslaved to many things, things you may think would never enslave you.

What does it mean then to live in Christ?

Maybe it is something simpler; seeking Him in our daily life. Involving Him in every single thing we do. Spending time with Him in a personal devotion time (which is the hardest, I think). Learning His words. And truly let our flesh to be led by the one and only Holy Spirit.

You'd be surprised to see how God can take you to see things differently, experience things differently and how He lead you truly to be more and more like Him, not because you can, but because You let Him to do so.

Seek Him.
And live (:


x
e

new phase, new perspective

i am thankful.

to be where i am at for now, to be in this very place.
to enjoy my weekend with simpler meals, good laughs and fellowship.
to start monday with day jobs and various projects.
to do home chores, to spend time with mum and pop.

and it's not all perfect but i am glad for all of those things.

--

thank you dearest, Daddy! thank you for once again your shared truth in your church.
teach us to treasure Your truth and keep it alive and true in our lives.

i love You! :*

being small

i don't really like that sentence.

though i had it bothering my mind since the past months and even got it written down for a self-reminder.

think about those days, when you feel completely happy about yourself, almost proud - yet still aware that you shouldn't be too proud. when things went your way, or maybe not but you still got everything together. you are content. you feel superior. everything seems possible. sun shines on you as the main character, how delightful!

i had those days. i felt it all. but that was when i had those sentence popped in my head.

you are not that grand.

for one second i thought that i was god.

truth is, as everyone knows, i am not. instead, i am just a part of this massive universe. a little dot that is wandering on life venture on planet earth.

--

why me?
why not?

have been my favourite questions to God. i never quite understand why things happened in certain ways and why is it always something not so pleasant. as a little kid, we are always told for bright days to come, we dream high and we got our eyes to the skies. we believe in something good about to happen. however we all know when you hit, well, in your twenties and for some maybe earlier or later, that is not always the case. in fact, it is a true struggle for everyone of us to keep those perspective. we have been jotted down with unpleasant realities and limitations of things we want to do, things we dream of.

i made a joke to a friend the other day, that i would just bitterly laugh at my life at some point. that doesn't sound hopeful, does it? maybe instead of that, i would probably choose to laugh at my worry-ness upon many things. aha.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matt 6:34

as i should be..

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. Prov 31:25

so, maybe being small is what i need to learn. 

You save the humble, but your eyes are on the haughty to bring them low. 1 Sam 22:28